dig deep, trust yourself.

Why we don’t take our own advice … and how to start.

You have one life to live.  THIS life.  Decide what you want, and take it.  The power is yours.  How many times have you read that line from me? Many.  And yes, it is true.  I full heartedly believe in self-empowerment and have experienced firsthand the grand power the mind holds.   However, there are a lot of things that I want, that I do not believe in myself, or make the moves to achieve.

Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel.

Stop eating your entire weight in cereal on a weekly basis.

Knuckle down and spend the time to accomplish it.

This is advice I would give you.  More importantly, I would believe these statements and empower you with all I had to do the same.  However, if I told myself these things—actually I do tell myself these things—I wouldn’t believe the validity or see the answer in them. I don’t believe them when it is me on the receiving end.

No, I am not a fraud.  I am just a human, and as humans we struggle to take our own advice.  It is not that our advice is false, because it is not, it is simply that when we give ourselves advice, we find a way to believe we are an exception and our minds work to justify why the advice doesn’t apply to us.  It is frustrating.  It really is. It is like a plague—the person we should trust the most, we often trust the least.

Yes, I am going all Engineer on you again.  Here is the scientific reasoning:

As yourself, you know everything: your thoughts, your emotions, your background, your desires, your everything.  Therefore, any decision becomes a subjective one, and you lose the ability to rationalize your thinking.  Everything you suggest to yourself is affected by your emotions and the questioning of your mind.  Think about it like this… when you ask someone to give you advice, all they have to their knowledge is the hard facts you supply them with.  Sure, you could let your opinion be heard, or your emotions come out, but the ‘advice giver’ is easily able to dissect the facts from the feelings and spit back to you an objective, rational answer.  However, if you were to sit in a room with yourself, you not only have the facts running around, but you have your emotions and desires tainting them, pulling them left and right, twisting them up and down, eventually causing you to lose sight of the basic scenario, and the rationality of the situation.  We often find a way to convince ourselves that we are the exception to our own advice or the advice doesn’t apply to us.  This is a figment of our emotions.  Concurrently, this is our internal struggle to look deeply inward and be ‘harsh’ on ourselves.  Emotions cause us to hesitate to delve deeper into these feeling, and to push past them and get to the truth on the inside. We feel emotions and we stop—we don’t want to go deeper.  We don’t want to dissect them.  We don’t want to be ‘harsh’ and bring ourselves back to reality.  This is why we take others advice more easily than our own.  1. They don’t feel the emotions we feel, therefore they have the ability to objectify the decision rationally and 2. They aren’t afraid to be full heartedly real with the truth.

OK, cool, that was demoralizing.  No, that was not the point—those are just the facts.  This happens to everyone and it is OK.  Being human is OK.  More than OK, actually.  But, here are some tips I have discovered to help you defeat this barrier between yourself and.. well yourself.

Bounce of of others.  Give yourself advice, and then “double check” it with a friend.

Write it out.  Write out the situation and then read it as someone looking in.  Respond how you would if a friend were coming to you with the same situation.

Stop being so harsh on yourself.  Do you know the saying, “treat others the way you want to be treated”? Well, it works both ways.  TREAT YOURSELF the way you would treat others.  We are far too often incredibly harsh on ourselves in our minds.  However, 9/10 times the things we say, or think, to ourselves we wouldn’t say to another person.  There is no need for this.

Stop saying “I should” and just do.  A simple change in word choice can make a world of difference.

Whatever your ‘but’ case is, flip it. Usually the thing keeping us from taking our own advice is the ‘but’.   I should talk to him but I am nervous he isn’t interested. No, flip it. I am nervous he isn’t interested but I should talk to him because I am not positive.  I should apply for another job because I am not happy but I don’t want to offend my co-workers so I won’t.  No. I don’t want to offend my co-workers but I should apply for another job because I am not happy. Get the idea?

 

We have one life to live, THIS life, YOUR life.  Decide what you want, and take it.  TRUST YOURSELF to get you there.

YOU MAKE YOU.

Xoxo, Colby

P.S. If you can’t find me on Instagram, I have updated my name to be.happyhealthyfit !

 

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2 comments

[…] what to do”, and then I laughed (literally) as I realized I just wrote an entire post about not taking your own advice.  If I wanted to do more for YouMakeYou®, I should just do it.  I flipped my […]

[…] woke up today and realized that I need to start taking my own advice–honoring myself, my mind and my body.  Despite the fact that I still have 3 more exams to go […]

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