Livin’ on the Edge of Scary

To piggy back off of last weeks post, What I learned while flipped in the middle of  lake, I wanted to talk briefly about something I keep in my YouMakeYou® mindset…

“Living on the edge of scary”

Last year, as some of you know if you have been following me on Instagram I had to take a break from school, and pretty much from life, as a result of awful post concussion issues.  Honestly, making the decision to do this was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do–  as humans, we DREAM of going away to college and being out on our own all of our young years, and then for that time to come and not be able to… it was devastating.

Interestingly enough despite how broken, confused, (and in pain) I was that year I too off

Was. The. Best. Decision. I. have. Ever. Made.

When people say ‘everything happens for a reason’ they are not kidding.  Side note: sometimes it seems impossible in the moment to see that there is a reason for something, but there is.

There were days, sometimes weeks on end, where I would sit in my bed all day crying from the migraine lasting over two years and the uncomfortable sensation of not comprehending the world around me.  I would constantly find myself asking

Why?

WHY me?

Why does this have to happen to me?

Will it ever end?

It was times like these that I full heartedly did not think there was an answer.  I saw countles doctors and went through grueling. unending procedures all with little to no improvement.

But it is also times like these that I look back and smile at the fact that, now, I DO have an answer– it all makes perfect sense (never in a million years did I think I would say that).

The strong, independent person I have become, the mindset I have gained, the positivity, the sheer will to constantly push forward, the fearless-ness I have acquired is a result of what I have been through, and I wouldn’t be where I am without it.  SIDE NOTE: YouMakeYou® community would be non-existent as well, so YAY to that!

About a month before I was actually supposed to go to Cornell, the second time (so for real, LOL) I was walking with one of my mom’s best friends to a corner store to grab a deck of cards.

We were talking about how I was nervous to go away after being home all year: living alone, not doing school work, essentially not living like a teenager.

She looked at me, and I will never forget this moment, she said to me

“Colb, it’s simple– you need to live on the edge of scary”.

&&  that is what I hold with me each and every day, those 9 simple words.  You have got to  live on the edge of scary.

You can be afraid, but you can’t back down.  You need to live that scary-ness.

Live through it all.

Embrace the fear, embrace the risk, try new things.

See fear and EMBRACE IT.

Don’t hide from it because if you are too busy hiding, you can’t spend time chasing your dreams.

After two years of constant pain, confusion, and missing out on life—I had a lot of fear.  It consumed me.   To say I was scared was an understatement. 

But, I didn’t run from the fear.  I stood right there next to it and shut it down.  And I couldn’t be more happy than where I am right now because of it.

 

Needless to say, but YOU MAKE YOU.

xoxo, Colby

 

P.S. What is your favorite card game?!


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2 comments

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[…] talked about fear before, I won’t keep giving you that spiel over an over, but what I will say to you is that […]

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